Big Gap

This is probably the largest of the gaps. Hang in there, it's on the way!

Blessings in Disguise

     The most amazing parts of my life for the past year have all been blessings in disguise. Last night, a friend of mine had an interesting idea about Satan being God's best servant. He pointed out how everything Satan tries to do to mess up our lives is used by God to bring good. How irritating for Satan that must be!
     I thought of how many blessings God has given me this past year that started as trials. I stopped counting because I ran out of fingers. There is one in particular I would love to tell you about. I will tell you all about her in a few days time. I will tell you the whole mushy beautiful story. Hang in there.

Fresh is so much better than Re-heated

     I have gone through dry spell after dry spell since I started chronicling my thoughts here. I am not merely talking about the long gaps in my entries here; I am talking about pretty much every facet of my life. I dipped down to some dark places this past year. I was broken down to the core.

     I do hope to offer explanations for why I have not posted here in so long, though I do not intend to use this place as a confessional. I see little value in exposing you to the depths of my sin. You will find nothing but selfishness and hatred in that regard. Rather, I see great value in sharing the difficult lessons I learned during that time of struggle in the hopes that you may benefit from my mistakes.

     At age 21, I thought I had reached the point in my life where I was supposed to be an adult, and therefore, a mature individual. I do not expect you to be surprised in learning that my life did not turn out that way. Not at all. I fell down in so many areas of my life that I never thought I would. My studies took a nose dive, my relationships with my friends turned sour, and most importantly, my relationship with Christ suffered. I grew extremely frustrated when I couldn't seem to get things under control. Here at age 22, I can see what a fool I was to place a standard on myself that I would never achieve. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be perfect. Even so, I wanted to be better than the mess that I was.
One night, a friend reminded me of a simple truth that I had forgotten in the midst of all my heartache: I had taken my eyes off of Christ. In Matthew 14, Peter looked away from Jesus walking on the water and he began to sink. I too was sinking. I was caught up in my own ideal as the standard of what I should be instead of looking for what my creator is calling me to be. God used my friend to give me exactly what I needed.
     By setting my sight on following my Lord, I am truly starting fresh. I will never achieve perfection by my own means. Only in Jesus Christ will I find what I seek. I am aware that even in following Him, I will continue to make mistakes. That is something that won't change. Thankfully, a mistake does not negate the worth of the person that made it. Thank God for that! Though I may fall, He will catch me. I understand my mistakes will grow less and less as I grow nearer to Him. I yearn for that day. I am tired of making a mess.