Fresh is so much better than Re-heated

     I have gone through dry spell after dry spell since I started chronicling my thoughts here. I am not merely talking about the long gaps in my entries here; I am talking about pretty much every facet of my life. I dipped down to some dark places this past year. I was broken down to the core.

     I do hope to offer explanations for why I have not posted here in so long, though I do not intend to use this place as a confessional. I see little value in exposing you to the depths of my sin. You will find nothing but selfishness and hatred in that regard. Rather, I see great value in sharing the difficult lessons I learned during that time of struggle in the hopes that you may benefit from my mistakes.

     At age 21, I thought I had reached the point in my life where I was supposed to be an adult, and therefore, a mature individual. I do not expect you to be surprised in learning that my life did not turn out that way. Not at all. I fell down in so many areas of my life that I never thought I would. My studies took a nose dive, my relationships with my friends turned sour, and most importantly, my relationship with Christ suffered. I grew extremely frustrated when I couldn't seem to get things under control. Here at age 22, I can see what a fool I was to place a standard on myself that I would never achieve. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be perfect. Even so, I wanted to be better than the mess that I was.
One night, a friend reminded me of a simple truth that I had forgotten in the midst of all my heartache: I had taken my eyes off of Christ. In Matthew 14, Peter looked away from Jesus walking on the water and he began to sink. I too was sinking. I was caught up in my own ideal as the standard of what I should be instead of looking for what my creator is calling me to be. God used my friend to give me exactly what I needed.
     By setting my sight on following my Lord, I am truly starting fresh. I will never achieve perfection by my own means. Only in Jesus Christ will I find what I seek. I am aware that even in following Him, I will continue to make mistakes. That is something that won't change. Thankfully, a mistake does not negate the worth of the person that made it. Thank God for that! Though I may fall, He will catch me. I understand my mistakes will grow less and less as I grow nearer to Him. I yearn for that day. I am tired of making a mess.